Today marks one year since I started my own business, coaching emerging leaders. Decades ago, I dreamed of working for myself, but didn’t have the confidence that I could make it work. As a single mother, I needed the income security that a corporate job creates, as well as healthcare for the family. Once my two children graduated college and started their own careers, the risk was minimized, and the time was right. I’ve never been happier.
Most important to me has been the notion that executive coaching should not just be for those already near the top, looking to go higher. I focus my business on emerging leaders, those who are stepping into people leadership for the first time, or who are in a new expanded role and feeling a little insecure about it. Imposter syndrome is real, and particularly for women, first generation executives and people of color. I want to use my own experience to help others succeed.
In these times of discussion on equity and justice, as someone who grew up with financial stability and lots of opportunities, I try to look at my own privilege, to recognize that I grew up in a family where college was a given, where it was assumed I could have a career, and where I was expected to behave “professionally” even before I ever had a job. These are the privileges that come from socioeconomic classism, and that is decidedly tied to racism. That’s not to say that I didn’t experience grave sexism in the workplace (I did), but I also benefited from companies who were working hard to promote women and who invested in me with generous leadership training. Somehow, over the past decade, company-provided professional development has been on the decline. People are expected to just “know” how to lead a team, how to handle workplace emotions, how to drive results and generate a high-functioning team. None of this is intuitive; successful leaders are trained on how to do this.
It pleases me that most of my coaching clients are at the manager or director level (not VP+). They are primarily people of color. They are almost exclusively the first in their family to go to college and have an executive job. They have few professional role models to mirror, and even fewer folks at home who understand their executive challenges. My coaching primarily consists of helping them gain confidence, speak up for themselves, and better understand organizational culture/goals and the people they work with. We talk a lot about managing “up, down, and across”, because while you might assume your job is to manage the work of your direct reports, your real job is to focus your boss on how they can help you succeed, gain visibility with your boss’s boss, form strong and aligned partnerships with your peers, and bring out the best in the people who make up your team.
More than 30 years in corporate America certainly had its ups and downs. I missed out on a lot of important events when my children were small. My friendships all came from the workplace, and many of them faded once the job ended. My stress levels, as a rising executive and a single mother, were off the chart. I carried extra weight. I slept poorly. I ate and drank way too much, especially during work travel. It was nearly impossible, for me, to balance all the elements of my life. My clients feel many of these same pressures. I hope my experience can help them.
I think the world of the people I coach. They are smart, dedicated, hard-working, and humble. They are also sometimes nervous, insecure, confused, and emotionally drained. My role is to shore up their confidence and their resilience. I’m especially pleased about the creation of a sliding scale on coaching fees because the goal is to be available to anyone who needs my help, regardless of their current income level.
My coaching practice has no agenda, no curriculum, and no set practices. Each 90-minute session is guided by the participant – they set the topics for discussion, usually after I’ve started with “how can I best help you today?”. I like to think that I am role-modeling how a leader treats their team, vitally invested in their success, confident in their abilities, and trusting of their methods and wisdom. My job is to clear out the emotional clutter that often collects in workplaces so that a leader can stand tall and firm and drive progress … all while fully developing the wide-ranging talents of team members. These are the skills I was lucky enough to be trained in through corporate America. It’s my honor to pass them along.
Aside from fulfilling a life-long dream to be my own boss, my coaching work is eminently fulfilling supporting those who have had a tough journey helps level the playing field and is the right thing to do. It may be my small contribution to racial equity, but I see the potential and capacity of those I coach, and I know they will make great impact on our world. There’s an added bonus, I find, to working for myself – my own stress levels are massively reduced. I spend more time with people who inspire me. I am able to eat healthier because I have time to cook. I drink less. I exercise more. I sleep better.
Life is a journey. Sometimes things seem to be going smoothly and you are feeling good. Other times, you are out of alignment or some tragedy befalls you. All are learning opportunities, to be more tolerant and kinder (especially with yourself), to be more resilient, to be more present. My version of the old quote is you “can have it all, but not all at the same time”. Over the course of your lifetime, you can discern what really matters to you, be intentional about what makes you happy, and create a life that brings you joy. I believe it starts with self-acceptance, patience, and the recognition that you cannot control what others do, only how you respond to them. Happiness is an inside job.
If you know of someone that would benefit from my style of coaching, please feel free to reach out.I have space for taking on one or two additional clients at this time. Thanks for taking the time to read this blog post. I welcome your feedback.
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