Today is the day we celebrate the nation’s independence*: we celebrate “freedom”, so I’ve been pondering that word – freedom – and it’s meaning, as a nation, a community, a person. I was taught that the Spirit of 1776 was about freedom from a ruler, freedom from taxation without representation, freedom to set our own destiny, and yet, clearly, we have not accomplished these goals, at least not for all people. We may not have a King, but we have certainly ceded power to “a ruling elite” who determine the policies of our country, run the companies that manage much of our lives, and who benefit by ensuring those without are so busy fighting each other that we don’t notice who ran away with the cookie jar. We only have to look at Puerto Rico or Washington, DC to see that taxation without representation still exists. And we currently seem so locked in a divisive power struggle that we cannot even agree on our destiny (or our history), let along move towards “a more perfect union”, the elusive goal of the Founding Fathers.
Personally, I have long felt that independence is one of my core values: freedom FOR me. As I child, I was adamant I would never be like my mother, dependent on anyone else for safety and my needs. I took the Women’s Movement of the 1970s to heart, determined to be financially independent, to have the career I wanted regardless of barriers, and to feel I had the freedom to construct my life as I saw fit. As a single mother, I desperately wanted not to be “a victim”, not to be pitied, but rather to stand strong and say, “I can do this”. Today, I recognize how privileged these thoughts are, and how much has been given to me. I grew up in comfort. I received a stellar education, as I expected. I entered the workforce as a white woman at a time when there was space for me, still not equal to a man, but so much easier than for a woman of color. As a single mom, I had financial security in my parents, and at times, tapped that, as loans not gifts, at zero percent interest. I have always had good health, access to fresh food and fresh air. I had a series of mentors who sponsored me, taught me, pushed me forward, fought for pay equity on my behalf. When I think of all the privileges that helped me achieve my dreams of independence, I have to admit that I played a minor role. While many will say I worked hard for what I have achieved, I know the truth: much was given. It’s not a level playing field.
So I ask myself: Am I free? Have I achieved independence? Or am I still seeking a “more perfect union” with myself, internally, with the divine, with all that is.
Undisciplined, my internal dialogue is brutal: you’re unattractive, you are fat, you’re unlikeable, you’re so bossy, your personality is way too strong. Those are the messages that were put in my head as a young child, and I’ve internalized them**. When I am feeling centered, I can see that talking to myself in this manner is cruel and unhelpful, but in moments of weakness, like I had just yesterday when I went to the pool and saw thin, pretty young women, off I go, down the dark tunnel of judgment. In these moments, am I free or in chains?
This is my “monkey mind” as the Buddhist say, an excited animal jumping from here to there, constantly agitated. My antidote to monkey mind is to walk in nature. This helps me quiet myself, feel small, realize nothing is wrong, be present, and separate my mind from my spirit. This morning, on my usual nature walk, as I am thinking about all of this, I listened to one of Oprah’s podcasts, on Mindfulness, a chance to remind myself that my thoughts pass through like clouds on a sunny day. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Today’s teacher is Michael Singer, whom I had never heard of before, but he spoke TRUTH to me. He said, with our “noisy minds”, we make most of our own problems, and at some point, we realize that “real freedom is freedom FROM ourselves, not freedom FOR ourselves”. Boom.
Freedom from ourselves. Freedom from those horrible things we say about ourselves. Freedom from the awful things we believe about ourselves. At my daughter’s suggestion, I recently read Kazu Haga’s amazing book “Healing Resistance”. Mr. Haga is a trainer in nonviolence, working inside prisons, and advocating for a better justice system. He has studied nonviolence for decades, taking lessons from Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and the Civil Rights movement. He speaks about how we can become more practiced at nonviolence, accepting all into “beloved community”, and that process begins internally. If we want to create a world with more dignity, more acceptance, and more kindness, then we have to start with ourselves. As long as I am willing to inflict self-violence, with words I would never say to anyone else, I am furthering the cultural norms that subjugate women. If think my worth is entirely wrapped up in my physical form, which will never be thin/pretty/sexy/young enough, I am suppressing myself. I am reinforcing the systems of oppression; I am violating my own truths. The only way to be free from myself is to free myself; like all the big lessons of life, it’s an inside job. As the teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”
Back to the national level where we have much work to do before we can say we are free: we use violence, in speech and deed, to criticize and demonize “the other”, often over the smallest things. As long as we believe people are good/bad, smart/dumb, right/wrong, moral/immoral, we are stepping away from truth; it’s a “both/and” world, not “either/or”. We are all on a spiritual journey to see the divine in ourselves and each other, to accept diversity, promote dignity, and offer kindness. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” says the gospel. I’m working on both sides of that equation, where true freedom reigns. Happy Independence Day.
*Note: Let us never forget that Europeans stole this land from an indigenous population, and that many people, especially those of color, still do not have the same freedoms as those born of privilege.
*Note: your internal messages are probably different than mine, but I’m guessing they are just as harsh and unkind. Please stop telling yourself these lies.
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